does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize