man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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