I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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