i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
