So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
