I think I just saw someone hide a body.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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