I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
