Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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