I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
