we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
