I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Less talking, more tequila
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
