Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
