i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
