hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Houston, we have a blender
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize