apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
This toilet bowl is my home.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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