those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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