My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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