I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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