would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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