Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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