I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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