Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
