What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
