Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize