its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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