I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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