batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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