Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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