1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
