it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
