She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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