I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
