I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
