dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
