is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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