I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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