Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
