I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
