Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Say something about gay babies.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
