i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
