I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
