office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
