I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
