So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the day after is always just damage control
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize