Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
