you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
