He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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