You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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