are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
