I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
