My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
