I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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