even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize