sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
