Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
