Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
