Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
