there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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