People in love make me want to vomit
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
