Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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