Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize