I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
