I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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