So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
two words: eviction party
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
