I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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