ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
