I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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