you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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