Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
