I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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