I could have mohawked her pubes.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
