Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
