So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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