omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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