I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
