My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
