dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
