You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize