So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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