Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
