Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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