You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
