finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
