Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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