not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
