I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
