we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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