first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize