This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
