office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
