im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
