my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
