worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
is wine microwaveable?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
