no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
