I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
