she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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