i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
