His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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