bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
