$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
