Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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