i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
