His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
